what are you doing here?

why are you always around? i cannot seem to escape your spirit. you snap onto my head throughout my day. it could be when i wake up, when i'm in the shower, when i'm driving, or when i'm trying to fall asleep. i try to keep away, but it feels as if you were following me. i'm aware it is my fault. i'm letting you drag my heart around just like always. the worst feeling is when a friend let's me down or hurts my feelings, and all of these bad memories begin to hover over me and direct my mind. i cannot help it. i'm afraid to pursue my happiness. i feel that some event will bring about despair. if it's not him, then it will be about you. i would be trying to let two people carry my heart around and that is preposterous. will this ever disappear? it couldn't possibly go on forever. maybe someone new could make this go away. that would be amazing, but i doubt my story will end this way. firstly, i have to get my heart back and embrace it tightly. it does belong to me and i need remind myself of that frequently. oh, the things that can run through a girls mind in an hour...i just pray that i can forget about it long enough to count some sheep and get some sleep.