Goodbye 2010..Hello 2011.

2010 has been a bittersweet year for me. A lot has happened. I would probably call it a year of learning because I have learned many things this past year. At the beginning of the year I had a different set of priorities than I have now at the end of the year. 
     In the beginning I was head over heels for sure! Everything I did was to try and impress a boy. I would never blame him for some of the things I got into, but I admit that I did most of those awful things because it's what he was doing, and I wanted to be able to do things with him so badly, and have things in common with him. Oh how stupid I was. Then of course I was pushed to the curb and never thought of again. I grieved over him for a long time, and still struggle with it today. You would have thought he had died the way I grieved. Thankfully I always had my best friend Lindsey. She grieved with me and for me. I could not have made it without her. 
     I did become closer to Tia and Courtney this year and I love that they are a part of my life. They definitely add spice to my life and make me happy. Lindsey lived with my family over the summer and that was amazing:) we made so many memories that I will never forget. These three friends of mine I know I will be friends with forever. They mean so much to me and I love them all!
     Towards the end of the summer my precious twin nieces came! Emma Grace and McKinley Brooke. Along with my brother and his girlfriend Stephanie, they lived with us until the girls were 3 months old. I became very close to Stephanie and think of her as my sister now more than I had in the past. Me and Stephanie, and my parents have been through many hard times and discouragement. I can't even begin to explain why but the Lord has brought us farther. We made it, no one died, and we all just have learned from it. Everyone is not perfect. We all make mistakes. But we are family, and if we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. It has only made us stronger. 
     Around this time I was realizing that maybe the things that hadn't worked out for me in the relationship area were for the best. I deserve better than the way I was treated. I still have my feelings for him, but it makes me happy to know that he is happy and doing well. I only wish him the best in life. It was just maybe better this way. And I know now that I may not understand why things are the way they are, but one day I will know why. I have peace with this situation, knowing that God let it be this way for a reason. 
     Toward the end of the year I began having many health problems. Anxiety and panic attacks got the best of me and tore me down to nothing. I was put out of work, and felt like a vegetable. It tore me up emotionally, mentally, and physically. It is for sure the worst thing I have ever been through. The doctors finally found a combination of medicines that help me everyday be able to live a normal life. I still have my bad days but have come extremely far from where I started. 
     During all of this I went to my friends Brittany and Tabitha's house for a jewelry party. Little did I know what this was starting for me haha. Most of the people there were all friends from their church. They invited me to come, and I accepted the invitation by showing up the following Sunday. My experience at that church service I can only explain by calling it life changing. I am a child of God, but I haven't been close to Him for so long. So many things had gone wrong in my life and I was too upset about them to worry about my relationship with Jesus. At this time of feeling so worthless because of my health problems, it did me a lot of good to remember that Jesus is my best friend and can help me through anything and everything. I have been attending Hanes Baptist Church ever since. This coming week I am joining the church and am going to be baptized. I am so beyond excited! I have also been able to become closer with old friends of mine, Brittany, Tabitha, Becky, and Laura who I attend church with. I am so glad they are all a part of my life. I have also made new friends. 
     Now, for one of my Christmas presents from my dad has brought something else into my life. He got me a personal trainer at the gym. I have already started, and I love it. At this point I have lost 30 pounds in the past year and a half, and I am ready to lose another 30! With all these new things I choose to take up my time with I decided not to go back to work. I worked at Jason's Deli for three years and that was plenty! With school, church, and working out at the gym so much it looks like my life is going to stay pretty busy. But I must say I have no problem with that and I am very pleased with my priorities now. 
     I have so many blessings to be thankful for and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my Jesus, my dear friends, my crazy family, and my amazing church very much. I have grown up a lot over this past year. I will never forget 2010. I am going to miss some of the memories I had and can't relive, but I am happily welcoming the year of 2011!  =)

*what a "best friend" means to me*

a best friend is someone who will always love you. no matter what all kinds of trouble you might get into when your young, they are always there by your side. someone who doesn't mind doing something crazy with you at times too. even if you haven't spoken for months, in your heart you know if you called them and asked them for help they'd be there in a heartbeat. someone you can count on. someone who listens to your same problems over and over again trying to help you fix them along the way. someone whose shoulder is always open for business if you need one to cry on. a best friend is someone you pray for and wish them the best in life. people can be best friends for years, although they go through so many changes in their life, they will always love one another for who they are. someone who will be honest with you. someone who will always respect you and accept the fact that you are different and can't do everything they same way they do. if someone bothers you or hurts you, your best friend should go beat them up! or at least talk about how they want to so badly. you should feel what your best friend feels. if they're sad, you should be sad with them. and if they are happy, be happy for them. a friend should bring out the best in you, and make the sun shine in your life on a rainy day. when you can look at each other without saying one word and know exactly what each other are thinking. that is my short/scattered definition of a best friend! i think i could go on forever!

My scattered thoughts to you..Whoever you might be..

     Where are you? Are you in this town or state? Have I been in your presence before? Do we share the same interests? When will I meet you? Or have I already met you? Will you accept me for who I am? 

     I hope you are everything I have ever dreamed of and much more. I hope you can bring out the best in me. I hope I can bring out the best in you as well. I hope we make mistakes along the way. But I also hope we can learn from them together. I hope we make a good "You and Me." I hope we can support each other through the many decisions that come our way. I hope we have what I would consider a "Happy Ever After."

     I wonder what you are doing at this very moment. I wonder if you are thinking of me as well. I wonder if you are kind and caring. I wonder everything about you. Do you wonder the same?

     I hope our paths cross in the near future. Sometimes I get chills just thinking about it. I am ready to see what life may throw our way. I pray that we will have love and respect for one another. Most importantly, I hope you are happy and always will be.